Reunion

IMG_7229Last year I had a reunion with my classmates when I was on the second grade of high school from 1998 to 1999. Some of us became classmates again on our third and final year, and some others even went to the same universities afterwards. The reunion was preceded by, of course, the forming of Whatsapp group, as it is very common in Indonesia. The conversations in the group itself were totally random, covering many topics, and if I might say, fun. The interaction by texts was somehow needed to confirm that we’re still in the same wave length, or not. Could we still converse about something, or would there be an awkward silence creeping in every turn?

We met sometime in August, 2016 in Bandung at a friend’s house. Of all memories I had in high school, the memories I had with those people were the strongest. I had suspected that I might have forgotten almost everything about those days on the second floor of the new school building, but I hadn’t. I still remembered well the names of my former classmates, the hearsays, the gossips, the truths, and pretty much everything circulating in our classroom. After the small reunion, the Whatsapp group had become awfully quiet. Was it because we saw the reunion as a means to quench our thirst for “good, old time”, for youth, for some reminiscence of how life was before we took on more and more responsibilities each day; and after we did meet we said to ourselves that it was good enough but nothing more could be done from there? I really wonder.

Yesterday I had another reunion with my classmates from university. Unlike the classmates in high school which were rotated every year, these people had stayed with me for three years from 2000 to 2003. I went for an exchange program in Tokyo from 2003 to 2004 and came back for my final year from 2004 to 2005, completely missing out the only chance to experience the last year with them. As I looked at one of the souvenirs for the reunion and saw that the picture on the E-toll card was taken during my absence, I suspected that if I came to the event, the reminiscences and the rewinding of the collective memories would be excluding me. It was indeed true.

I had suspected myself to be bitter or sad about it, but the fact was I didn’t feel any of those emotions. What I felt was a mere curiosity and a simple delight that these classmates really did have one of the best times in their lives, that the friendships had deepened along the way as they strove to pursue good grades and the possibility to graduate on time, if not earlier than schedule, and that the bond was strong enough to call for a reunion almost two decades after they all first met. I was happy to see all those memorable and exciting moments they experienced through the old pictures and videos shown during the event, and I felt quite funny because within 14 years I had subconsciously deleted the memories I’d ever had with or about them. Blame it on the age and the giving birth factors (some research showed that plenty of brain cells died after labor. No wonder I’m so forgetful these days!), but I embarrassingly forgot the names of a handful number of people. I didn’t remember that I was in the same sub-class with them (the whole class, consisting of 100 people, was divided into three fixed sub-classes for straight four years), I didn’t remember that I ever worked in the same groups with any of them, and I didn’t remember how the group dynamics were. I didn’t remember if I had argued or disagreed with, liked or disliked anyone. This feeling of neutrality took me by surprise, because the reunion then started to feel like an encounter with new people instead of meeting again the people I was already acquainted with or I befriended years ago.

They say that in a reunion you tend to still like the people you liked back then, and dislike the people you couldn’t stand. People, who used to work well together, will likely be able to work well now, or even better. Considering the fact that I came to this reunion with a clean slate, I found it funny that I managed to strike good, meaningful conversations with people I rarely spoke with during our three years being in the same sub-class.

That led me to another question to contemplate: what kind of person was I?

Why talking and engaging were so effortless this time compared to how they were? How had I changed; how had they changed? Many things had happened within 17 years: classes, graduation, new job, career, dating, break-up, marriage, family, children, you name it. Somewhere along the way I and they had found the common ground to make it interesting enough to interact with each other this time; it was something we didn’t have long time ago. Of course I still managed to chat freely with some people who I felt were pretty close to me (my heart became warm just at the sight of them), but the conversations with some people whom I didn’t greet perhaps more than twenty times within three years had made me feel even more joyful.

Where do we go from here?

After the common “hey, how have you been”, the next question will be: what’s next? Reminiscing the times we spent in school with people we were acquainted or are still friends with, is as wonderful as experiencing the times themselves. But after saying so much “remember what we did/remember when we were”, will we still have the drive to maintain the relationship? What will be our common ground this time after we’re not being in the same classroom, doing the group works anymore? Friendship is a vulnerable and exhausting relationship, is tested by time/distance/the absence of updates, and needs every ounce of effort from every party involved to make it worthwhile. Life happened, friendship grew cold, and getting connected again with people from my life more than 10 years ago surely had its moments. For now I’m just going to celebrate the warm feelings seeping into my heart after the reunion. Thank you for inviting me.

 

Mamatomo

Kata mamatomo dibentuk dari 2 buah kata dasar, yaitu: mama dan tomo (kependekan dari tomodachi yang berarti teman dalam bahasa Jepang). Saya baru tahu istilah ini beberapa minggu lalu dari teman saya yang tinggal di Jepang, dan menurut saya istilah ini tepat untuk menggambarkan hubungan pertemanan yang muncul ketika kita sudah berkeluarga dan mempunyai anak-anak. Secara harafiah mamatomo berarti sekumpulan mama yang menjadi teman karena anak-anak mereka sudah lebih dulu berteman. Mamatomo terbentuk karena aspek kesamaan komunitas dan hubungan baik yang sudah dijalani duluan oleh anak-anak dari mama-mama tersebut.

Orang-orang yang tidak memiliki hubungan darah dengan kita menempati posisi berikut dalam hidup kita: orang asing (stranger), kenalan (acquaintance), teman (friend), sahabat (best friend), kemudian sahabat yang lebih akrab dibandingkan anggota keluarga sendiri. Langkah pertama dalam memiliki hubungan dengan orang lain adalah menjadi stranger dan kemudian acquaintance bagi mereka. Begitu kita ada di dalam komunitas/lingkungan pergaulan tertentu, stranger dan acquaintance adalah dua hal normal pertama yang akan kita temui. Untuk menjadi friend atau bahkan best friend diperlukan waktu dan usaha dari semua pihak yang terlibat. Pertemanan akan terjalin saat kedua belah pihak sama-sama meluangkan waktu untuk saling mengenal karakter dan kebiasaan masing-masing, dan juga bersedia menghabiskan waktu bersama-sama untuk suatu kegiatan yang sama-sama disukai. Waktu pula yang akan menguji apakah pertemanan itu akan langgeng begitu karakter dan kepribadian seseorang pelan-pelan terungkap di hadapan teman barunya. Mempunyai atau tidak mempunyai teman adalah sebuah pilihan.

Orang dewasa lebih sulit untuk memiliki teman baru dibandingkan anak-anak. Ini kenyataan hidup yang tidak bisa dipungkiri. Orang dewasa kenyang dengan pengalaman menyakiti/disakiti dan mengecewakan/dikecewakan oleh orang lain. Oleh karena itu orang dewasa cenderung lebih berhati-hati dalam membina suatu hubungan. Buat mama-mama, kecocokan dengan mama-mama lain diikuti dengan harapan akan ada kecocokan antara para suami dan anak, syukur-syukur kalau seluruh anggota keluarga bisa berteman. Teman-teman yang bertahun-tahun ada dalam hidup kita, dengan siapa kita merasa nyaman, biasanya adalah teman lama yang didapat di sekolah atau tempat kerja karena sempat ada frekuensi berinteraksi yang intens antara kita dengan mereka.

Mama adalah makhluk perempuan paling protektif dan defensif terhadap anak-anaknya. Mama memiliki peran dominan dalam  mendidik dan menanamkan nilai-nilai moral dan etika yang akan dianut oleh anak-anaknya. Jadi wajar saja jika mama sering kali menjadi filter untuk menentukan apakah anak-anak sedang terlibat dalam pergaulan yang baik atau yang buruk. Mama harus tahu teman dari anak-anak mereka, dan juga harus tahu orang tua dari teman-teman tersebut. Di sini mama bisa mengembangkan lingkup pergaulannya. Dari yang sekedar tahu, berinteraksi, banyak mengobrol, sampai akhirnya juga berteman dengan mama dari teman anak mereka. Itu idealnya. Ada juga kasus mama yang keberatan anaknya berteman dengan orang lain karena mungkin ada ketidaksesuaian tata krama, nilai moral dan etika, dan lain sebagainya. Jika ini terjadi, kecil kemungkinan mama akan menjalin pertemanan dengan orang tua dari anak tersebut.

Memiliki mamatomo memiliki tantangan tersendiri karena yang terlibat dalam pertemanan itu bukan hanya mama-mama tapi juga anak-anak. Mustahil menemukan orang dengan karakter dan nilai-nilai yang sama persis dengan kita. Bagaimanapun juga kita harus mempunyai sikap menerima dan toleransi terhadap orang lain, seperti orang lain menerima dan bertoleransi terhadap kita. Misal Mama A selalu membuang sampah pada tempatnya, namun Mama B sering membuang tissue di lantai saat mereka makan bersama. Ketidakcocokan seperti ini bisa berujung kepada empat hal:

1) Mama A menggunjingkan kebiasaaan jelek Mama B dengan mama-mama lain tanpa sepengetahuan Mama B.

2) Mama A menegur langsung Mama B, Mama B tidak terima, dan akhirnya mereka putus pertemanan.

3) Mama A menegur langsung Mama B, Mama B terima dan mengubah perilakunya, mereka berdua tetap berteman.

4) Mama A hanya menyimpan ketidaksukaannya dalam hati, namun secara tidak sadar mempengaruhi anaknya untuk menjauhi anak Mama B karena khawatir anak Mama B juga memiliki kebiasaan buruk itu.

Tantangan bagi mamatomo adalah memisahkan konteks pertemanan anak mereka dengan konteks pertemanan mereka sendiri. Jika misalnya anak-anak bertengkar karena berbeda pendapat, pantaskah mama-mama ikut campur untuk ikut berdebat? Anak-anak adalah individu sendiri yang wajib menyelesaikan masalahnya sendiri. Sikap mama to the rescue hanya akan membuat anak tidak mandiri dalam mempertahankan pendapatnya dan dalam menyelesaikan konflik. Yang penting di sini adalah mama-mama untuk menahan diri, tidak bersikap subjektif terhadap teman si anak, bersikap rendah hati dan terbuka untuk menerima koreksi terhadap kepribadian si anak, tega membiarkan anaknya memiliki dan menghadapi konflik tanpa bantuan orang tua. Kalau mama-mama tidak menahan diri, konflik antar anak bisa melebar kepada konflik antar mama. Perselisihan menjadi lebih runcing dan solusi sulit didapat karena mama-mama cenderung sangat membela anaknya sendiri, menganggap anaknya paling benar dan menganggap anak orang lain paling salah.

Bagaimana jika mama-mama yang bertengkar? Ini lebih pelik karena mama-mama cenderung mau dibela oleh anaknya. Mereka mungkin tidak mengatakan terus-terang kalau mereka sedang ada masalah dengan teman mereka, namun biasanya secara tidak sadar/sadar mereka akan mempengaruhi anak mereka untuk ikut membela mereka. Mama jadi sulit untuk tetap bersikap objektif terhadap teman anak mereka kalau mama punya sikap “it’s us against them”, sebuah sikap yang tidak sehat untuk menjalin pertemanan yang langgeng. Ingatlah mama-mama, anakmu bukan kamu. Jika kamu tidak cocok dengan temanmu, tidak berarti anakmu juga tidak cocok dengan anak temanmu. Mengajari anakmu untuk menjauhi temannya hanya karena kamu berselisih dengan orang tua anak itu, hanya akan memberi teladan yang buruk bahwa mama tidak bisa mengelola emosi, mengkarantina masalah, dan menyelesaikan konflik.

Tentu saja, semua hal yang saya sebut di atas jauh lebih mudah ditulis daripada dilakukan. Hal mendasar dalam pertemanan adalah fairness and respect, keadilan dan rasa hormat. Keadilan membuat mama bisa tetap ingat kalau masalah yang dia hadapi bukanlah masalah yang anaknya hadapi. Rasa hormat membuat mama bisa tetap menghargai orang yang sedang tidak dia sukai sebagai manusia yang punya sudut pandang dan pendapat lain, yang mungkin sering kali tidak cocok dengan sudut pandang dan pendapat yang dia sendiri miliki. Sama halnya jika terjadi perselisihan di antara anak-anak, mama-mama perlu menekankan kepada anak-anak untuk tetap memiliki fairness and respect itu. Jadilah pendengar jika anak ingin berkeluh-kesah akan masalahnya, beri pendapat jika diminta, tahan diri untuk tidak cepat mengkritik pihak sana. It takes two to tango, dalam semua problem ada dua pihak yang berkontribusi untuk menciptakan (dan juga mengakhiri) konflik. Jadilah sumber air yang mendinginkan kepala yang panas dan memulihkan hati yang terluka bagi anak-anak. Di situlah mama-mama bisa membuktikan tingkat kedewasaan yang kelak harus dimiliki oleh anak-anak seiring dengan mereka beranjak dewasa.

Sekalipun mama/anak memutuskan untuk tidak menyukai atau tidak berteman lagi dengan mama/anak lain, itu tidak apa-apa. Kita diciptakan tidak untuk berteman dengan semua orang. Sama halnya dengan frekuensi radio, kadang kita menemukan orang yang frekuensinya sama atau kadang kita menemukan orang yang frekuensinya berbeda sama sekali dengan kita. Tidak apa-apa jika tidak nyambung; berteman adalah pilihan dan tidak bisa dipaksakan. Nikmati pertemanan dengan orang-orang yang punya banyak kesamaan dengan kita, bersikap ramahlah terhadap orang-orang yang tidak cocok dengan kita.

Pleasant Coincidences

Last month my French teacher/neighbor had her farewell party and there she introduced me to her friend. Lena was from Germany and before Cikarang she and her family lived in KL for several years. As we chatted she asked me if I knew any German, because Maud told her that I speak other languages than English. I said yes, I had been studying it since I was a kid because my mother insisted me to. As we started to speak in German, she asked me if I had spent time talking with native speakers. I told her that I spent a couple of days in my uncle’s home in Heidelberg five years ago, and that’s about it. She was very surprised because she happened to go to the University of Heidelberg and she knew the area where my uncle is living with his family. Out of so many cities and so many universities in Germany, it was a pleasant coincidence to meet someone new who happened to know where I had been. Then we started talking about Heidelberg’s old town, her apartment, which was located very close to the university in the downtown, and the grandeur and gorgeous H & M store right around the city square’s corner. Women can easily bond through shopping and the experience of doing so, ha-ha.

 

When I first went backpacking to South Korea in 2004, the hotel which I had booked through email was closed on the day I arrived. Back then I didn’t know booking.com, so I went there with faith that everything would go well. I didn’t have any credit card either, so I brought quite a lot of cash for emergency situation. It was my first backpacking experience and a very nerve-wrecking one. I got into a taxi, which was much cheaper than in Japan, and told the driver to go to the nearest tourist information center. I relied heavily on my Lonely Planet’s guide to South Korea and a few Korean phrases it included. The taxi driver took me instead to a police station where nobody could speak English there. Back then, internet was scarce and I didn’t have any Google translator with me. I was so frustrated that I just asked them how to go to YMCA, because the hostel was mentioned in the book. It’s so funny that even though they didn’t speak any English, they could spell ABC in English. A police car took me from Namdaemun area to Itaewon area. It’s indeed an amusing experience for a first-time backpacker. In YMCA I stayed in a room with six bunk beds and spent two days there before I headed to Daegu and then Busan. The hostel had a common kitchen and one night when I was making a spicy ramen, I got into a conversation with an African-American man who just arrived in the city.

He           : Where are you from?

Me           : Indonesia, currently living in Tokyo.

He           : Really? I’m actually on my way there to visit a friend. I decided to explore Seoul for a couple of days before flying to Tokyo.

Me           : That’s nice. Maybe I know your friend (jokingly said. The fact is, it’s quite impossible to know other foreigners in Tokyo if we don’t share some common backgrounds. Not forget to mention that Tokyo is humongous)

He           : Do you go to church?

Me           : Yes, why?

He           : My friend joins a choir in Tokyo Baptist Church. Her name is Tracy and she’s also African-American.

Me           : (dumbfounded) I sing in soprano section with Tracy.

Then we both rolled out with laughter. Out of so many cities and so many hostels in South Korea, I happened to meet a friend of my friend who was on his way to see her, ha-ha.

 

Five years ago we went to London for the 2012 Olympics and stayed at my college friend’s place for a week. Since we already had the UK visa, we decided to fly to Edinburgh a couple of months after that. We liked collecting Hard Rock Café t-shirts for their good quality of fabric and unusual designs, so the night before we flew back to Switzerland my husband told me to go to HRC to buy some t-shirts for our family. We stayed in Edinburgh for five days and the weather there had been crazy; heavy rain then bright sun all of a sudden. On our last day there we hiked to Arthur’s Seat and our 3-year old daughter was too exhausted to take another bus. So I went to HRC alone and my family went back to the hotel. The café was quite empty that night so a shopkeeper came to help me picking out designs and sizes.

He           : Where are you from?

Me           : Indonesia, currently living in Switzerland.

He           : Cool.

Me           : Are you from around here? You speak differently.

He           : As the matter of fact I came from London. I just started university here.

Me           : Really? From which part of London are you? We went there for the Olympics last July.

He           : (waved his hand) You probably never heard of it; it’s quite far from the city center and the tourist attractions.

Me           : (made a random guess because the name suddenly crossed my mind) Peckham?

He           : (gasped) How did you know?

Me           : (shrugged) I was just guessing, but it’s such a nice coincidence that you’re from Peckham as I stayed there for one week at a friend’s house.

He           : Wow, such a nice coincidence!

Me           : No offense, you don’t actually fit the demographic of Peckham residents.

He           : (grinned at me) None taken, I know it’s rare to see a white guy coming from Peckham.

Me           : (laughed) Exactly, everyone is multicolored there expect for the policemen, I suppose. On the day we arrived, a police officer approached us because he saw my husband taking out his Ipad from his backpack. The officer told us that it’s not safe to do so in Peckham.

He           : It is not. Peckham is sadly still an area with one of the highest crime rates in London.

Out of so many cities in the UK and so many HRC shops, I ran into someone who came from an area where I stayed during my visit to London.

 

All my life I have experienced these kinds of pleasant coincidences and they gave me warm feelings. The world is indeed a small place and I could get connected to someone suddenly, instantly, even though I come from halfway across the world from them. The key to be experiencing all these is to travel a lot and to muster up courage to speak with new people. There is no other way.

 

Remembering this encourages me to browse the internet for our next travel destination. Where shall we go from here?

The Weirdest Dreams I’ve Ever Had

In 2003 I had two classmates in college I didn’t have much interaction with. I was in several group works with them, a boy and a girl, but we never clicked and made it more than a passing acquaintance. One night I dreamed of them telling me that they’re starting to date each other. The dream was so random, it was out of nowhere, and yet it felt so real. The next morning I met them in our morning class and without thinking I asked them, “Are you two dating?” To my surprise they said, “Yes, since last night. We haven’t told anyone about it. How did you know?” I was too dumbfounded to answer so I just told them that I knew it from a dream and left. Later on the girl approached me and asked me again how I knew, since they had been very cautious and secretive about their relationship (they came from different races, religions, socioeconomic status, and so on, and so forth). I only shrugged and told her the same answer; I knew it from a dream.

Was it a premonition? I wasn’t sure, but it was not the only experience I had with having a dream and seeing the realization of it. Back in 2013 I even had a dream about a former friend who wanted to cut ties with me, and the next day he did exactly that through a text message. What an annoying coincidence, ha-ha. The funny thing is it usually has something to do with the people around me, whom I know well or not. I have had thousands of dejavus during my 35 years of living and I never take them seriously. But whenever I had vivid dreams about other people, the next morning I quickly contacted them and asked them how they were doing.

I lived in Tokyo for a year from 2003 to 2004 and I’m still in touch with the people I befriended while studying there. A couple of months ago, I suddenly had a dream of a person from that period of life who told me excitingly that he’s getting a new job. The dream was so weird because I wasn’t even thinking of YSEP (that’s the name of our program) people or seeing the latest Facebook news feeds of any of them recently. So I messaged that friend and I asked him randomly whether he’s changing/getting a new job. I also straightly told him that I saw it in my dream. It was a very ridiculous way to start a text conversation, but I told him nevertheless because he had been a good friend to me back then. To my surprise he told me that he’s going to a seminary soon and is probably getting a new job in the new place. I was once again dumbfounded. Did I have a premonition again? We ended up talking about other things after that but I still had this weird feeling that it wouldn’t be the last random and manifested dream I’d be having.

Fast forward to about a week ago when I had another dream about that same person. In it I saw him being restless and kind of sad, and I was telling him not to worry. I told him that he wouldn’t feel lonely in the new place because our God would provide him with new friends. Friends are given and the best of them will be given by the best Provider. I texted him exactly the same sentences I told him in my dream (yes, the dream was so vivid and every time I had this kind of experience I’d remember the details of what I saw, said, and heard during the surreal experience). To my surprise the friend replied, “Thank you, I needed to hear that.”

What is dream, what is reality, what is deepest wish and hope, and what is a mere fantasy? I’m not saying that I had premonitions, until now I’m not sure about what I had, but I’m glad that I was reminded through dreams to check whether the people who are now in my life, or once crossed their paths with me, are doing well. I like to hear that they’re getting a new job, that they’re embarking on a new career, that they’re having a newborn, and that they’re starting a new relationship. Regardless how absurd the dreams had been, I would never ignore them. I would think about them till I knew what I’d do with them. Through them I had been reaching out to old friends, giving encouragement, making their day. A simple thing like a random dream can be used as an excuse to exchange greetings and what’s going on lately in each other’s lives.

And whenever I had bad dreams about other people, I would be on my knees to pray that the bad things weren’t happening to them. My memory’s pretty good and it made me feel upset for a couple of days if I could still remember the bad images I saw in my dreams.

I’m sending all my love and prayer to those who did and still do cross their paths with me. I hope you all are safe and sound.

Ah Sudahlah

Sosmed dalam enam bulan terakhir udah kayak medan perang dunia gara-gara pilkada. Ga di FB, IG, dan Twitter semua orang siap dengan amunisinya masing-masing. Cara nembaknya ga melulu frontal pake pistol dan tangan kosong doang lho, cara halus nyindir-nyinyir-nyenggol-nyelekit dikit kayak orang main ketapel juga dipake. Ayolah, manusia-manusia, kapankah semua ini akan berakhir? Naga-naganya ga akan pernah berakhir selama pilkada tetap ada di negara yang rakyatnya belum dewasa ini.

Aura panas sosmed bikin saya jadi melek ciri khas manusia sebagai makhluk sosial dan makhluk individu:

  1. Beraninya kalo rame-rame

Kalau berpendapat sendirian kayaknya ga akan didengar banyak orang (kalau memang bertujuan buat dapet banyak pendengar di sosmed), tapi kalau pendapatnya di-like, di-comment, di-share ratusan sampai ribuan orang? Tiba-tiba pendapat itu jadi trend, jadi fenomena, jadi patokan, dan bisa-bisa jadi kebenaran. Namanya juga pendapat, pasti ada relativitas terhadap pendapat lain. Kalau pendapatnya manut sama pendapat kebanyakan, tambah ngumpul deh massa pendukungnya. Kalau pendapatnya bertentangan sama pendapat kebanyakan, yang ngumpul para pembencinya. Di era sosmed ini tiba-tiba semua orang ngerasa perlu ngomong dan minta didengar, everybody thinks the world owns them something (susah nerjemahin frase ini – red). Sosmed jadi alat propaganda, alat pembentuk pendapat dan kebenaran, dan orang-orang yang kurang bijak mencerna informasi dengan lugunya membantu membentuk kebenaran yang belum tentu benar. Saya suka tagline dari salah satu media online besar di Indonesia: Saring sebelum Sharing. Hari gini jempol kita harimau kita. Salah berpendapat, salah menyebarkan informasi yang salah, bisa berabe semua. Jadi saringlah dulu sebelum kita mengiyakan atau membagikannya. Kadang kita merasa lebih aman kalau ada pendapat lain yang menjustifikasi/mendukung kita, tapi menurut saya kita harus berani berpendapat saat sendiri ataupun rame-rame. Dan karena pendapat sekarang ini kebanyakan dituangkan dalam bentuk tulisan, pikirkanlah baik-baik sebelum menulis. Menulis mengabadikan pikiran kita dalam jangka panjang; dia adalah cermin pribadi kita dan warisan kita untuk orang-orang dalam hidup kita sekarang dan yang akan datang. Dan …, jangan generalisasi, apalagi bawa-bawa massa di belakangmu untuk menguatkan pendapatmu yang pukul rata itu. Please dong ah, di mana-mana ada orang jahat-orang baik, orang judes-orang ramah, orang tulus-orang licik. Satu orang nyolot, masak kamu katain semua suku bangsa dia nyolot? Emangnya dia bisa milih dilahirkan di keluarga yang gimana dan dari suku bangsa apa? Terus gimana dengan orang yang orang tuanya berasal dari dua (atau bahkan lebih) suku bangsa, mau ngatain sifat setiap suku bangsa yang ada di darahnya? Contoh: dasar orang XX-YY emang bla-bla-bla. Bah, mau ngejek, mau menghakimi aja ribet banget. Sama seperti kematian, kelahiran juga kadang bukan suatu pilihan. Kalau soal agama? Agama itu pilihan tiap individu. Tapi kembali lagi ke kenyataan bahwa pada dasarnya manusia terbagi ke dalam dua kutub, jadi ga relevan mengeneralisir satu kelompok agama karena kelakuan salah seorang anggotanya.

 

  1. Ga mau move on

Kenapa manusia ga mau move on (bukan ga bisa lho ya, tapi ga mau aja)? Karena manusia sulit mengucapkan perpisahan.Lihat aja deh fenomena mulai dari kita kecil. Kalau kita naik kelas dan ga sekelas lagi sama BFF kita, pasti deh kita sedih, mewek, pengennya sekelas lagi, masih terpaku aja sama masa lalu yang menyenangkan saat kita dulu masih sekelas. Apalagi kalau ada peristiwa pindah ke sekolah baru, mulai dari usia SD tuh rasanya kiamat kalau tiba-tiba dicabut dari pertemanan yang sudah berakar di sekolah lama, dan dilempar ke lautan pertemanan baru di sekolah baru. Peristiwa meninggalnya orang yang kita kenal/kasihi memberikan pukulan paling berat, karena dengan kematian tidak ada lagi kesempatan untuk bertemu dan berhubungan kembali. Hmm, peristiwa apa lagi ya yang menunjukkan sifat manusia yang sulit berpisah? Oh iya,  saat manusia putus cinta. Ini jenis kiamat kedua. Waktu masih pacaran sama si mantan, rasanya dunia indah, ga ada masalah. Pas mulai cek-cok dan memutuskan berpisah, mulai deh fase mengenang-mengenang dan membanding-bandingkan yang lama dengan yang baru. Dulu dengan si dia rasanya selalu lebih mudah. Lebih mudah atau kitanya aja yang malas untuk memulai baru? Memang sulit melupakan mantan, entah itu mantan pasangan atau mantan jabatan, sehingga kegalauan dan kegelisahannya bisa berlarut-larut. Jadi kenapa manusia sulit beranjak dari hasil pilkada yang udah notabene jadi fakta tak terbantahkan? Karena manusia sulit berpisah dengan rasa nyaman yang dia dapat waktu mendukung salah satu paslon. Kenapa bisa nyaman? Karena ada kesamaan: 1) asal-usul, 2) visi-misi, 3) program, 4) dan daftar ini tak berkesudahan. Jadi kalau si paslon tidak terpilih dan tujuan bersamanya tidak jadi tercapai, berarti kita harus berpisah juga dong dengan idealisme yang kita pikir bisa diwujudkan oleh si paslon. Ini yang membuat banyak orang tidak siap, apalagi kalo sentimen itu dibagi dengan banyak orang lain di berbagai kesempatan. Wah tambah sulit deh untuk mengucapkan cukup kepada satu fase singkat dalam hidup yang panjang ini, dan melanjutkan ke fase berikutnya tanpa berpaling lagi. Buat apa terus menengok ke belakang dan mengenang? Masa itu sudah lewat, waktu tidak bisa diputar kembali, sekarang waktunya melanjutkan hidup. Fakta dan kenyataan di depan ga bisa diubah, tapi sikap kita bisa diubah. Ayo angkat tangan sama-sama dan katakan bye bye bye, kita pisah di sini ya, kepada hal-hal yang kita pikir seharusnya terwujud tapi ternyata tidak bisa diwujudkan.

Yah, niat cuma nulis beberapa ratus kata aja, tiba-tiba jadi banyak. Ah sudahlah, yang penting saya lega karena saya sudah menuangkan uneg-uneg saya. Ayo bikin sosmed menyenangkan lagi; ayo posting foto-foto makan pagi-siang-malammu, foto anak dan bayimu, foto liburanmu, sharing resep, atau bahkan gosip artis (terutama artis Korea, hiahahaha #bias).

Let’s stop this madness, friends. I wrote this because I care about our future, not our past. Let’s nurture our sanity.

RIMH BOOK LAUNCH: Recorded Live Videos

Here are all recorded FB live videos from yesterday’s event (BOOK LAUNCH: Randomness Inside My Head).

The quality is low, but it’s a living proof of my life. 😊

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600670403877&id=753068876

https://www.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600253428877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600670403877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600713568877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600724818877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600738248877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600754338877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600772498877&id=753068876

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10154600815163877&id=753068876

20170408 – BOOK LAUNCH: Randomness Inside My Head

At the chore, everything is given.

At the end, everything is for His glory.

SOLI DEO GLORIA

 

That day arrived and that day was over. It was one of the most important days in my life, and the very important people came to celebrate it with me. I thank everyone who has made the time to come. I appreciate everyone who has kept their promises to come. My respect to you all.

I was lucky to find PT Tiga Pilar as the long-run companion for RIMH. We share the same fighting spirit and we always strive to do our best. I hope we can work together in many more projects and years to come. I’m also thankful for the MC, speakers, sponsors, book buyers, et cetera. The list is too long, haha! Seriously, I’m grateful for you all.

I wouldn’t have been the person I am right now if I hadn’t worked in Balikpapan ten years ago. The job was the toughest I had so far. I dealt with difficult people, and yet I had to get the jobs done. My deepest respect to my former bosses and colleagues in Kalimantan Region, PT HMS, who had turned me from a cry-baby into someone who has eyes on the goals and drives to always move forward. They taught me the hardness of corporate life, and they also taught me how to partner up with vendors and other stakeholders. Without the experience cultivated there, I couldn’t have been able to get any sponsor for this book launch. Thank you, friends, you shaped my resilience.

Anggarda Paramita Hanjaya Mandala Sampoerna

Now back to writing my second book, a novel, inspired by one of the stories in RIMH; and back to Taekwondo class after 2-week break. But first, let me have that spa and massage.